Delivered Fresh and Piping Hottt!

THAT'S RIGHT, it's Friday! Just like last week and the weeks before, I'm here to recap the week, talk about what I've been up to, the food I'm crazy about, and, as Elaine from Seinfeld would say, "YADA YADA YADA." Oh, and the music - gotta have the music.

This week has been slightly frustrating, to say the least. As I mentioned in my previous blog post, I have come to the conclusion that I am once again suffering from a form of depression. It has been somewhat relieving and eye-opening, yet I am left feeling tired, exhausted, and a bit lost. I have learned some things about myself that I was previously unaware of. I guess the old cliché, "can't see the forest for the trees" stands true in my book, thus far.

I did some serious soul-searching this week. I looked into the depths of my fragile psyche, and I was not impressed with what I found. Nothing but a mixture of insecurity, disgust, distrust, and self-separation. I have forgotten how to relax, and even remembering to breathe has become a small chore. I have been so caught up inside my own head, the tumultuous landscape it appears to have grown into, a landscape that was once as clear as a cloudless blue sky. It dampens my spirit, and I find myself in pain from all the things I am tense over. It is depression that has got me before, but I was not aware of it this time. She was sneaky and came through in different ways. When I came out of my fog late Wednesday night, it was similar to being high off being clean - refreshing.

The amount of pressure that I put upon myself on a daily basis is crippling at times. My excuses always told me my expectations were "too high for anyone." They may have been on to something. In no way am I saying they were right, by any means. However, in hindsight, it is very thought-provoking.

Fortunately, I have come out alive on this side, in a deep overwhelm and heavy space. HEY! It's going to be OK! I am a warrior in this type of war. I persevere and take the time to process. When I actually take the time to sit back and take care of myself, things change. The sun comes out, the grass gets greener, and the rocks in my shoe disappear. I have begun to plan my future a bit more. It can be just as devastating if you live "in the moment" too much. I hate to sound like a broken record, but going back to my Buddhist roots of faith makes a statement. The Middle Way is my Golden Hour. The balancing act can be a stressful task if you let it overcome you. I am not! I know that I have a great support group that will help me overcome depression with a quickness. Thanks, everyone.

WHAT'S GOING ON (Think like you're listening to Marvin Gaye)

A whole bunch of tears this week, so much that I felt better after the third or fourth BIG cry. I spilled my guts to my life partner, Helenna. She doesn't mind me writing directly about her. She talked me right off the proverbial ledge the other day, as did my sisters in life. I don't know what I would do without Amy Jo, Candy, Cara, JZ, Kris, Leza, Lindsay Boug, Livvy, My Meg, and TiffyOG in this thing called life. So the shout-out is real - I LOVE YOU ALL so much! I need the perspective of not only the Famfam but the chosen one too. I cannot leave out the men in my life who help balance things out. Damien, Jason, Keith, Mark, and Scott - your patience and understanding paired with how you disregard (in a good way) my melancholia. I owe you a debt of reciprocated coolness. I have slept more than I would like to admit and eaten more processed food than I ever should in a week. However, I do have a recipe for you - it's the one that makes me happiest, I have found. Oh and I've been super binging Greys Anatomy.... such a great fucking show! One of my all time favorites!

Recipe for Self-Love

Ready in: 3 Deep Breaths

Serves: Only You

0 calories

Ingredients

Patience
Time
Process
Self awareness
Understanding
Connection
Love
1 Black Dog (or animal of choice)

Preparation

Block out time: Find a set amount of time for yourself.
Use a patient perspective to give yourself a break.
PROCESS: This is super crazy different for everyone. Personally, I meditate or take time to allow myself to think about anything, as I allow my mind to break it all apart and down.
Self-awareness is a big one. I suggest literally taking a look at the human in the mirror. It can be trying, I know it is for me, but once you get past staring at yourself, you will start to gain some personal awareness and added compassion. Understanding oneself is not the easiest thing, especially if you are out of sorts, but try to hear yourself. Talk to yourself, and continue to learn more about how you feel.
Connecting with others is important as well. I am a HUGE introvert, so it is not always easy. I try to spend time with the people I feel most comfortable with. Don't be afraid to ask for help!
REMEMBER: In order to get through this journey, we need LOVE. It keeps the perspective in line. I use it to help myself remember just how grateful I am to have survived my life so far, and to stay in the now.
One black dog is great for added cuddles and understanding!!! Especially if you are not very physically inclined around humans (much like myself).

Tips

Be kind, and know that you are as human as the next person, and we are all in this together. Even if we don't all do it the same way.

Here is the Music

The new Barbie movie was released this week, and some of the tracks are from its soundtrack. I haven't seen the movie yet, but it looks cool, and JVN promoted it, so hopefully, I'll see it soon. I also added some tracks from Mats, Radiohead, and Hans Zimmer to the list. If you don't know who Zimmer is, I suggest you check him out. He has been a part of many amazing scores and soundtracks. True Romance is one of my favorite movies, and I love the soundtrack!

I will leave you with some life lesson notes from my dear Nala Grace. She knows more about this crazy life than we do. Dog spelled backward is God... As always, thank you for reading, and I love you.

Be Well

Wonder

Notes from the Black Dog:

Nala Knowledge

“Stay inside, keep watch, it’s much cooler.”

“Cuddles, and healing hugs… they are always here to keep our love alive.”

This week confirmed that “Piece of mind” Is priceless “

THE FIXX: