There are times in my life when I have to sit back and contemplate all the ridiculous shit i have done. I am amazed at the fact that I am still alive, much less on my way to being the best version of myself that I can be. I remember one time when I was young young like 20, maybe. I was not old enough to drink, but was indulging with friends because that was what I did at the time. I ended up on a main causeway behind my car because I ran out of gas... a cop flew passed me, with lights flashin. I was certain I was going to jail. Nope, he didn’t and two young dudes helped me get my car to the gas station. Growing up in america is different in the fact that people assume they are supposed to be a certain way, or have adapted the thought process that allows them to justify all the bull shit that they are not only putting themselves through, but including the people that care about you the most. I can only imagine what my family thought, my father and stepmother had to think I was out of my mind.
neither here nor there, I was a mess. I used to crucify myself after I chose to quit using, when I realized that what I was doing or had done had completely ruined most relationships I had in my life, I knew I had to rebuild and gain the trust of the people that I so absentmindedly let fall to the wayside of my addictions, . but how?
it was only then that I began to build the relationship with myself. that relationship has since become the most important. I work hard to cultivate my meditation practice every day, very similarly to my yoga practice. in doing so I pull from many different scholars, monks, teachers, Family and other folks to assist me in wrapping my head around compassion, forgiveness, and acceptance. A psychologist that I listen to once said, " without the difficulty in life we lose the opportunity to learn true patience.
taking that in wholeheartedly, I thought of how true it was, that in order to develop any personal practice you have to be confronted with opposing force to round out you skills. with that said, if one is consistently pushing the boundaries of learning, one has to realize that strength and patience, comes with dealing with the difficult. Sometimes even the most difficult of situations.
To meditate is to bring the mind and the body into the same present tense. to realize where you are in the moment. the practice of meditation not only strengthens that but brings light to what we learn via experience everyday. in choosing to be mindful , i continue to heal. I am beginning to understand that the painful, depressing , frustrating situations are but moments that help me to not only understand myself more, but help to grow a stronger foundation for my mind. Help to see the sweet in the sour. with all things there is a lesson to be learned., a trial to face, and wars to be won. I will battle as long as I have the ability to learn from my mistakes. to build a better me, so that I can relate and assist others in recovery they never thought possible.
we are in this together.
have compassion
never forget to breathe.
be Well.
Wonder
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